Not so quiet desperation

It has been brought to my attention that many of my social media buddies found my exasperated twittering about the plight of my beloved Manchester United last season highly amusing. Gary, aka @Gerrarrdus, was still chuckling about it when we met up for a pint in Norfolk last week. I had been looking forward to this season as a fresh start; an opportunity to tweet away about victories secured under the new management of Louis Van Gaal, culminating in posting a picture of the MUFC squad parading the Premier League trophy around the Theatre of Dreams in May 2015. There was promise in a pre-season build up which included a very successful and no doubt lucrative trek across the U.S.A. finishing off with victory over Liverpool.

Then the new season kicked off on Saturday and it was like last season's nightmare hadn't come to an end. The only saving grace was that I was driving during the first half of MUFC v Swansea and was thus prevented from venting my spleen on-line. All the old failings were there: the lack of precision in passing; the lack of pace in attack; a defence that didn't seem to know each other's names; a midfield wandering about mindlessly as the game passed them by; reversion to crosses into the box in hope rather than expectation; a squad ravaged by injury and depleted in talent; a manager looking dumbfounded at the mess unfolding before his eyes; a Belgian basket ball player masquerading as a footballer flailing his arms about in opponents faces; Wayne Rooney despairing at the mediocrity around him; promising youngsters overburdened with expectation while over-paid internationals ran down dead ends, fell over and looked like novices.

The MUFC gravy train executives had promised that we would take this summer's transfer window by storm. We were encouraged to expect record breaking, championship winning, top ranking heavy weights of the international game to be filing through the gates of Old Trafford. Instead, we have had to watch bemused as one by one our targets head off to join our chief rivals' squads. Executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward has one job to do and a couple of weeks left to do it in and that is to sign some players fit to wear the MUFC shirt. So far Woodward seems hell bent on replicating his performance last summer, when he panic bought at the last moment and overpaid for a player who wouldn't even have made the bench under Sir Alex's reign. I'm beginning to think Ed Wood would have made a better fist of things.

Of course behind Woodward sits the Glazer family, who purchased a financially sound club in a leveraged buy out and saddled it with astronomical debts. They have treated MUFC as their private piggy bank and the weakness of the current squad reflects their parsimony in the transfer market. Only the brilliance of Sir Alex's team management covered the problems lurking beneath the surface and the consequences of the Glazers' ownership are there for all to see.

So I anticipate another season spent in not so quiet desperation, as I am forced to watch our main opponents disappear out of sight at the top of the table and I dread fixtures against teams who a couple of seasons ago feared MUFC and now lick their lips at the prospect of picking up points.

The wrong Neville #worldcup2014

You can understand how the mistake happened but pity the poor minion who is going to pay for the error. A couple of years ago Gary Neville retired from playing football and took the pundit's chair at Sky Sports for their Monday Night Football show. Many questioned Sky's judgement but Neville soon won over the critics with his detailed analysis, incisive comments and in-depth knowledge of the game based on a footballing career with honours that include 8 Premierships, 2 Champions League trophies, 3 FA Cups and 2 Football League Cups amongst many other achievements. Neville also has the qualifications to talk about international football having played 85 times for England. So when the BBC were looking for a new summariser to replace the world weary Mark Lawrenson for England's World Cup matches, Neville was an obvious choice. Imagine the delight at the BBC when they discovered Neville was available and the champagne corks will have been popping at BBC Sports when he signed up for the gig.

Unfortunately, the BBC got the wrong Neville. It had escaped their notice until too late that they'd signed Phil Neville not Gary and the consequences were played out in high definition, surround sound glory for all to hear last Saturday night as England's opening match against Italy kicked off. And that strange sound you could hear at half time, that was Mark Lawrenson chuckling as he sipped his Ovaltine.

Neville Neville

P.S. Truth be told, I thought Phil did a decent job, offered some good analysis and his CV is a lot more impressive than many on the airwaves at the moment. O.K. his delivery was fairly monotone and he needs to work on his microphone technique but he offered a lot more insight than most of the other summarisers on offer. If you want an over-excited airing of ignorance turn over to ITV or tune in to Robbie Savage and don't get me started on Jonathan Pearce's meltdown for the BBC covering France v Honduras.

Thank you.

I knew it was coming. I had a glimpse of what it would be like over a decade ago when an announcement was made, although the decision then was hastily reversed, but the day has finally arrived. Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement as manager of Manchester United F.C..

There are so many memories of triumph and despair that I’m struggling to put them in any sort of order. The greatest moment must surely be the treble winning last few seconds of the Champions League final in 1999 against Bayern Munich when certain defeat was turned on its head. ‘Football, bloody hell’ was all Ferguson could say when the ITV interviewer shoved a microphone in front of the incredulous manager after the final whistle as MUFC were crowned champions. The victory over Chelsea in Moscow on penalties for Sir Alex’s second CL trophy in 2008 comes close; the agony following Ronaldo’s penalty miss replaced with relief and then joy as Edwin van der Sar saved from Anelka’s spot kick.

The most recent moment of despair, setting aside the ups and downs of this season, was that final goal by Manchester City with almost the last kick of the last game of last season to snatch the Premier League trophy from Ferguson’s grasp. How satisfying that Sir Alex has chosen to bow out having taken the league title back in emphatic style to secure United’s 20th Premier League title and his 13th as United’s manager.

And here is my most valued Manchester United possession; a message from the great man inside a copy of his autobiography, given to me by colleagues as I left my diocesan role in Chelmsford to take up my new post as Team Rector in Great Baddow.



Thank you Sir Alex for so many great memories.

nothing to add

the agony and the ecstasy

Every now and again there comes a match when a football fan experiences 90 minutes (or in Manchester United’s case 97 minutes) of pure joy. Last Sunday’s evisceration of Arsenal was such a time as Manchester United left Arsene Wenger’s managerial dreams in tatters at the Theatre of Dreams. But for every ecstatic fan there is another keeping balance in the universe as they experience the agony of their team’s complete humiliation. Such misery was captured brilliantly by Ripping Yarns in the episode Golden Gordon (Gordon Ottershaw is even wearing red and white!). Watch it and weep or laugh depending on which team you support.

Still Easter

Sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and say that the opposition were better. That was certainly my experience on Saturday night, and I guess it was true for many other Manchester United supporters, as we watched Barcelona give a master class in the beautiful game. At least we could console ourselves with seeing the team parade the Premier League trophy through the streets of Manchester yesterday, having overtaken Liverpool as the most successful team in the football league with a 19th title.

One quote has stayed in my mind over the last few days and it comes from Sir Alex Ferguson the Man Utd manager:

Only true champions come out and show their worth after defeat- and I expect us to do that.

Ferguson spoke those words in 2006 following a defeat to Arsenal and United went on to win the league in the following three seasons.

Bishop Stephen Cottrell, preaching at my Institution service a couple of Sundays ago, mentioned this quote from Sir Alex in his sermon. He reminded us that the death and resurrection of Jesus remain at the heart of our theology and everything else that happens takes place in the light of this great event.

So, whether you’ve just taken a hammering or are feeling on top of the world (or open top bus) it’s still Easter.

Believe

Championes #19

Manchester United Premier League Champions 2010-2011. Made all the sweeter by taking Liverpool’s record with a 19th League title.

O ye of Little Pea faith

I have so far resisted gloating about Manchester United’s masterful evisceration of the Russian multi-millionaire playboy’s toy aka Chel$ki, however, I happened to catch The Guardian Football Weekly podcast and was pleasantly surprised by the discussion.

The podcast kicked off with some banter about United’s opening goal scorer Javier Hernandez who is known as Chicharito or ‘Little  Pea’. Before each match Chicharito kneels in the centre circle and prays and last Sunday he then went on to score 37 seconds into the game! The comments began rather cynically with Barry Glendenning suggesting it was ‘an ostentatious display of piety’ but one of the others chipped in with:

‘What’s your problem with piety? In a world where footballers are routinely accused of being impure surely for them to prostrate themselves before the Lord and ask for his blessing sets a very good example to young people who often wear their trousers too low.’

Perhaps it was a tongue in cheek comment but then James ‘AC Jimbo’ Richardson, one of the best pundits in the game said this:

‘… actually, maybe what he’s doing, rather than saying “I’m special look at me chat to my pal God, maybe what he is saying is “Look I do believe and it’s not silly to have faith” which is an interesting and very positive message to send out…’

All rather refreshing and a great deal more edifying than discussing Chicharito’s fellow striker Wayne Rooney swearing down the camera lens or flicking a V sign at the baying Chel$ki fans.

Rooney – the managers speak

Reflections from some of Europe’s top managers on the Wayne Rooney ban for swearing.



With apologies to a certain Archdruid who can't cope with watching videos.

A city united

Manchester may be a city with two football teams vying for power at the top of the Premier League but we supporters seem to share something in common, a problem with spelling.



Above a banner displayed as Manchester United played Chel$ki in the Champions League. Below a rather less sophisticated offering from a Manchester City fan during an F.A. Cup match.



I post this as a Manchester United fan.

h/t Off The Post.

What time is it?

Lots of people getting excited about the Super Moon this weekend. If you don’t know what this is about, basically the moon is going to look bigger in the sky for all sorts of scientific reasons. For a more erudite explanation check out the Beaker Folk, though personally I find this explanation from Bruce Almighty more convincing.

My blog isn’t particularly known for its scientific content, however, I have been taking a close interest in the question of time and relativity. My interest has been aroused by my close observations of an extraordinary and empirically verifiable phenomena known as Fergie Time. FT refers to the way in which Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United, is able to bend time with the use of his watch.

Briefly, if Man Utd are in need of extra time in order to score a goal then by tapping his watch and pointing at the referee SAF is able to cause time to stand still. When the requisite goal is scored normal time resumes. FT also works the other way round. If Man Utd are holding on and under pressure towards the end of a game then SAF taps his watch and points at the referee and the final whistle is blown. Scientific opinion is divided on whether SAF’s habits of mastication also affect the passage of time; it is certainly an observable fact that he chews his gum more frantically when deploying Fergie Time. The other aspect of FT is the fact that it works more effectively at Old Trafford Man Utd’s stadium.

In order to develop my understanding of Time I have turned to a rising star in the firmament of television scientists. This man manages to make even the most complicated aspects of cosmology accessible to the average viewer and he combines his intellectual prowess with a sharp dress sense and a cool haircut. Rather than say any more I’ll let you judge for yourself. Oh, in case you are interested the other guy is Professor Brian Cox.

6th February 1958

On 6 February 1958, a charter plane carrying 44 people crashed after refuelling at Munich Airport.

The accident claimed 23 lives, among them eight Manchester United players and three club officials.

Geoff Bent
Roger Byrne
Eddie Colman
Duncan Edwards
Mark Jones
David Pegg
Tommy Taylor
Liam Whelan
Walter Crickmer
Bert Whalley
Tom Curry
Alf Clarke
Don Davies
George Follows
Tom Jackson
Archie Ledbrooke
Henry Rose
Eric Thompson
Frank Swift
Kenneth Rayment
Bela Miklos
Willie Satinoff
Tommy Cable

Red Nev, with thanks

Gary Neville, Manchester United right back and former club captain, has announced his retirement from the game. The news came as no surprise given that Gary has been struggling with injury for several seasons. Few would deny that Gary has been key to United’s success in the Premier League. A true one club player, he was one of the golden generation of United’s early 90s youth team that conquered all before them, before busting into the first team alongside Scholes, Butt, Beckham and his younger brother Phil.

Gary became club captain in 2005 and won every domestic honour in the game as well as being part of the magnificent 1999 treble winning side. A rock solid defender, he was also renowned for his overlapping wing play, accurate crossing and for the partnership he developed with David Beckham on United’s and England’s right side.

At international level, Neville made his debut in 1995 and is England’s most capped right back. He gained the nickname Red Nev as leader of a group of England players threatening to go on strike over the suspension of Rio Ferdinand for missing a drugs test. Never short of an opinion, not least about Liverpool FC, he is an articulate and thoughtful student of the game and will have no trouble developing a career as a manager, commentator or future leader of Unite the trade union.

No longer will the Theatre of Dreams resound to the chants of ‘Neville, Neville’ to the tune of David Bowie’s Rebel, Rebel. So thank you Gary, a true Red Devil.

A brief reminder of Gary Neville’s honours:

• Premier League 8
• FA Cup 3
• League Cup 2
• EUEFA Champions League 1
• Club appearances 602
• International appearances 85
• PFA Team of the Year 5

There she blows again

Woke up this morning to the news that the volcano in Iceland has started spewing out ash again, resulting in the grounding of air traffic in Ireland. As a Manchester United fan I’m used to occasional volcanic eruptions emanating from the bowels of Old Trafford and the cause can usually be traced to Sir Alex Ferguson. However, there is much speculation as to the cause of the Icelandic volcano’s awakening.

There is an explanation doing the rounds on Twitter courtesy of Armando Iannucci (@AIannucci) and others who have observed:

Every time David Cameron looks like he might win, the volcano gets angry....Just saying.

More seriously comes the pronouncement of Pastor John Hagee, of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, that the cause of the eruption is Britain breaking God’s covenant. Hagee has noticed that the day after the Advertising Standards Authority ruled that the Western Wall could not be used in Israeli tourism adverts because it is considered occupied territory, the volcano blew, shutting down Britain’s economy in one day. He went on to say:

That's coincidence, like the flood was a coincidence. That's coincidence, like the Red Sea was coincidence. That's coincidence, like the earthquake and the Resurrection was coincidence.

Hagee was speaking in the Lancaster County Convention Centre on Thursday 22nd April to an audience of some 3,200 people attending his John Hagee Ministries’ Rally and Prophecy Seminar. Meanwhile, a group of local residents were outside the rally seeking to draw attention to the plight of Palestinian Christians. One of the residents commented:

We have Christian brothers and sisters in the Middle East that are encouraging us to take their concerns seriously. They are suffering a lot in the occupation.

Now a few things occur to me on reading about Hagee’s prophetic insights. Firstly, as far as I am aware the British economy didn’t shut down thanks to the volcano; aircraft were prevented from flying for a few days, but the banks were open, the stock market continued trading and I was able to do my shopping. Yes, some holiday makers and business people had their travel plans interrupted, but many others were rejoicing in the absence of aircraft noise. Secondly, a volcano seems a pretty poor way of dispensing judgement since most of northern Europe’s airspace was shut down while playing host to the ash clouds. Thirdly, what has Ireland been up to, given that they have been given another dose of the volcanic punishment?

I hadn’t heard of John Hagee before so I had a quick look at his website which proclaims the following mission statement: The mission of John Hagee Ministries is to aggressively fulfill the commission that Jesus Christ gave to his followers to go into the world and make disciples of all people. Well I’ve gone back to my New Testament and I’ve hunted through the pages, particularly the Great Commission from Matthew 28:16-20, and I can’t find Jesus telling us to ‘aggressively’ do anything in his name. Not surprising really given that Jesus’ modus operandi was to love his enemies and to bless those who persecuted him.

I don’t know why the volcano blew its top over the last few days; I’m attracted by the Cameron theory but confess I never did pay much attention during geography and science at school. However, I do know enough about theology to know when someone is spouting nonsense.

Wayne Rooney – PFA player of the year 2010

For the fourth year running a Manchester United player has won the PFA Player of the Year and this year it is no surprise the award has gone to Wayne Rooney. Such has been Rooney’s importance to both Man Utd and England this season that when he twisted his ankle in a Champions League match in March there was nearly a collective nervous breakdown amongst the English media and Old Trafford faithful. The award is voted for by the members of the Professional Footballers’ Association and John Terry (winner in 2005) said it was ‘the ultimate accolade to be voted for by your fellow professionals whom you play against week-in and week-out’.

Last year the award was won by Ryan Giggs and in the previous two years by Cristiano Ronaldo. Rooney has scored 34 goals for Man Utd and 8 for England so far this season and his forward play has been nothing short of magnificent. There was much speculation that Utd wouldn’t be able to mount a title challenge this season following Ronaldo’s departure, but the Portuguese winger’s move seems to have given Rooney the opportunity to demonstrate his skills and goal scoring prowess. Here’s hoping Rooney will be fully fit for England’s participation in this summer’s World Cup in South Africa.

34 and counting…

That’s the number of trophies won by Manchester United under the stewardship of Sir Alex Ferguson. Yesterday’s Carling Cup victory against Aston Villa shows that SAF isn’t finished yet, despite all the doom mongers predicting the demise of Utd following Ronaldo’s departure. It was a great day at Wembley with Graham Tomlin and my first visit to the stadium since the rebuild. The afternoon kicked off with an excellent meal in the Bobby Moore club before taking our well positioned seats three rows back above the players entrance with a fantastic view of the pitch and the team benches. To be fair the Villa supporters were making the most noise pre-match, but then they don’t get to a final that often.

The start of the game was a disaster with Utd’s defender Vidic giving away a penalty within five minutes and Villa scoring from the spot. Vidic was lucky to stay on the pitch and one of the advantages of our seats was being able to see the Villa manager‘s reaction to the lack of a red card. A few minutes later and great relief as little Mickey Owen, granted a rare start, slotted the ball home to equalise. Sadly Owen didn’t last the half and hobbled off with a hamstring injury to be replaced by Wayne Rooney. It was Rooney who settled the game fifteen minutes from the end with a perfect header from Valencia’s cross and a few minutes later he hit the post with another header. A desperate last few minutes of all out attack from Villa before the final whistle and another cup for the Old Trafford trophy cabinet. Cue the celebrations.

For those who moan that Utd should have been reduced to ten men early on, it is worth remembering that Utd played Villa a few weeks ago a man down for an hour and still drew. Villa played well but Utd dominated as the game developed, particularly in midfield, and once Rooney came on there was only likely to be one winner. As the song says, The Reds go marching on, on, on!

In praise of OG!

No, not the Amorite King of Bashan slain by Joshua at the battle of Edrei, but Manchester United’s secret weapon deployed to spectacular effect this season. Last summer Sir Alex Ferguson signed little Mickey Owen on a free transfer from Newcastle, though he has yet to make a consistent contribution. Owen Hargreaves has been languishing in the treatment room for years after making a great start for Utd. What journalists, pundits and commentators didn’t spot was that SAF had made another signing, not an Owen but Own as in Own Goal or OG as he is affectionately known around Old Trafford.

OG is a real star at the Theatre of Dreams and is Man Utd’s second highest scorer having racked up 10 goals so far this season. OG’s latest goal came in a pulsating game against Aston Villa last night, however, his best performance so far was last Saturday when he scored a hat-trick against Portsmouth.

There has been much debate as to why OG is so prolific and there are several explanations. The first is the quality of Utd’s crosses from their wingers and full backs, especially Evra, Giggs, Valencia and, to the astonishment of all, Nani. Then there is the sheer panic instilled in opposition defences when they see Wayne Rooney dashing into the area snorting steam from his nostrils. Another possible reason is that defences know that they will have to carry on playing into injury time until Utd score, so they might as well get the job done so they can go home and see if JT has left a message on the answer phone.

Anyway, OG is a fantastic coup for Utd and let’s hope he stays fit until the end of the season. Who knows, perhaps Fabio Capello has him pencilled in for the England World Cup squad in the summer? And here is yet more evidence of Ferguson’s genius; he gets the opposition teams’ managers to pay OG’s wages!

David James, Portsmouth and England goalkeeper, after his defenders score another goal for Manchester United.

year planner

In my room at the Diocesan Office I have a large magnetic whiteboard on which I place important pieces of information and occasionally doodle. The board displays two vital planning charts for this year. The first is my 2010 World Cup wall chart and the other a 2010 Six Nations Rugby Union chart. Unfortunately, the space occupied means there is no room for my original work year planner, so I am relying on my secretary to remind me of other appointments and work related events. My wife is very good at reminding me about the family stuff. Discretion prevents me revealing which Archdeacon emailed me the evening the England World Cup fixtures were decided to point out a clash between a semi-final and our Course in Christian Studies presentation service in the cathedral.

It goes without saying that other important dates including Champions League fixtures and various cup finals are diarised as soon as they are published; sadly this year the FA Cup final is of no further interest. In recent years my board has displayed pull out souvenirs of Manchester United triumphs in domestic and European competitions too numerous to mention. They are a constant source of pain for my work colleague who is an Arsenal supporter.

The other item enjoying pride of place on my board is a copy of an excellent Dave Walker cartoon which I commissioned for a vocations resource we are launching in the diocese; I’ll be blogging about that soon.

Ryan Giggs – SPOTY 2009

At least there was one thing for a Manchester Utd fan to cheer this weekend with Ryan Giggs receiving the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. The award was unexpected as Giggs had been ranked as an outsider and he seemed genuinely shocked to have won; not surprising given the modesty of the man who continues to perform at the highest levels at the age of 36.

There are those who would question the choice of Giggs as winner but just consider for a moment his record:

• Over 820 appearances for Man Utd so far
• 151 Goals
• 11 Premier League Titles
• 4 FA Cups
• 3 Football League Cups
• 2 UEFA Champions League Cups
• 1 UEFA Super Cup
• 1 Intercontinental Cup
• 1 FIFA Club World Cup
• PFA Player of the Year 2009
• PFA Young Player of the Year 1992, 1993
• BBC Wales Sports Personality of the Year, 1996, 2009
• Goal of the Season 1999
• 64 Caps for Wales
• 12 International Goal

Giggs is also a UNICEF ambassador and there is an excellent piece in The Times about his trip to Sierra Leone in November.

And if you still question the brilliance of the man check out Ryan Giggs’ goal against Arsenal in the 1999 FA Cup semi-final replay.